A Redneck

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Below is the definition of a Redneck from Dictionary.com.  The problem with this definition is it’s not complete.  Being a Redneck is a way of life for many people in the United States.  My son is a Redneck and very proud of the fact, but if he fits in any part of this definition it would be he is from the South and he’s white from the rural working class.

 

red·neck

[red-nek]  Show IPA Informal: Often Disparaging.

noun

1. an uneducated white farm laborer, especially from the South.
2. a bigot or reactionary, especially from the rural working class.  adjective
3. Also, red-necked. narrow, prejudiced, or reactionary: a redneck attitude.

 

Redneck’s can be very ingenious and extremely creative when it comes to something they want. How about a Redneck Pool?

Redneck’s are the butt of many good jokes and cause a lot of hysterical laughing.  People in the states probably know who Jeff Foxworthy is, but for those of you who don’t. He has made is living off of Redneck jokes. He had the line “you could be a Redneck if,”. Then he would add what ever punch line he wanted. Now everyone seems to know a Redneck joke.

The Hillbilly and the Mirror

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city.

In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, “How about that! Here’s a picture of my daddy.”

He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his daddy, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn’t like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, “So that’s the ugly bitch he’s runnin’ around with.”

 

 Redneck ceiling fan     Redneck flower pots

Redneck Ferris Wheel

 Redneck mailbox

 

 

Cheap Beer, Loose Women, keeping America from being 100% literate, Nickelback, Jesus, Kentucky…. BOOKS!? THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN!, large guns, NASCAR is a sport? DAMN RIGHT IT’S A SPORT!, and pure American ingenuity.

This man fathered half of Kentucky using only this gun, a bucket of stinkbait and his cousin.This man fathered half of Kentucky using only this gun, a bucket of stinkbait and his cousin.Welcome to the West Virginia Olympics, this man is the Michael Phelps of whatever the fuck this is. Welcome to the West Virginia Olympics, this man is the Michael Phelps of whatever the fuck this is.

Just The Facts

  1. The primary source of everything for the redneck is Wal-Mart. The runner-up is Jesus.
  2. Rednecks think Chuck Norris facts are not only relevant, but real.
  3. If it weren’t for rednecks, Dale Earnhardt Jr would probably be on welfare.
  4. Pepsi actually sent dentists to Kentucky because small children kept losing teeth to Mountain Dew
  5. Instead of further education, rednecks illegally dig for coal on the side of interstates or sell tomatoes.

What Makes One a Redneck?

The first step of becoming a redneck is having a lower intellegence level than everyone around you and just not giving a fuck. Then, to continue on your path, you must find others who share the same sentiment. Once you have a group together, you then should discuss important issues of the day, such as Ford vs. Chevy or whose truck can outpull the others’, or most importantly, who got to fuck your cousin before you did and how you’re gonna have to “Open up a six pack of whoop ass” on them. It is also important to hold antiquated beliefs about society such as hating interracial marriage due to the fact that “you don’t see a red squirrel out there fucking a grey one.” Also, you have to have some sort of eccentric habit such as drinking moonshine until you actually shit yourself, or chewing tobacco until you have no teeth left, then you must gum it. Once you have these things down, you must purchase a large truck with no real purpose except for muddin’, a gun that is probably illegal but your neighbor, Bubba, was using it to scare his mother-in-law/aunt, and most importantly, you must have at least two sets of camouflaged outfits that have to be constantly dirty. After that, all you have to do is like NASCAR and Lynyrd Skynyrd and congratulations, you have become a redneck.

Somewhere in Middle America, a man just ejaculated and didn’t know why.

How Do Rednecks Fit In With Society as a Whole?

In short, they don’t. However, they will often insist that they do and demand to be heard. Loud is the redneck way. The redneck philosophy is that progress is scary, and things presently suck. The only times that were good were “back in my daddy’s days before this computer bullshit”. They then spend their entire lives striving to live like that. Most rednecks shun technology (outside of television and AM radio of course) and say such hilarious things as “The computer will be the ruination of this world”, and everyone’s favorite, “If you let them queers get married, Jesus will come down and rain hellfire on your sinnin’ asses”. Rednecks also hate diversity of any sort. Anyone or anything that challenges their way of life should “get their asses whooped and go to Canada”, or “tell it to my gun”. Regular Americans feel the ripple of the redneck effect in daily life through the inspirational messages of Miley Cyrus, NASCAR interrupting their Saturday afternoon reruns and outdated movies, and seeing such noble characters as Larry the Cable Guy and Jeff Foxworthy on television constantly. How does it feel knowing Larry the fucking Cable Guy makes more money than you could ever hope to? Yeah, if that didn’t suck already… Sarah Palin almost became vice president. What have you accomplished in your life?

 

http://www.cracked.com

 

 

2 responses »

  1. Pingback: The Sunshin Award! | jenniferstarks

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