Monthly Archives: May 2014

It’s Here

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dobyns cover Picture2I’m excited so I have to share it. My book, Dobyns Chroncles is now for sale on Amazon. Have you ever had something that nagged at you until it was finished? This book was that way for me. From the start it nagged and kept it up until I finished it.

This was a labor of love. It brought me much closer to my Great Grandfather, Charley Dobyns. This book is loosely based on his life. My mother told me stories over the years about her Grandfather. He was a man of pioneering stock. He was a horseman and enjoyed the country life.

I met him only once. I must have been about five years old. I can see him and my Great Grandmother telling us goodbye as we headed back to our home in California. It’s funny how one memory can result in a creation of a celebration of life.

I am giving away five Kindle ebooks today for the first five people who sends me their email address. Even if you don’t own a Kindle you may still read the book on line by downloading Amazon’s Kindle reader.

I now have a store at my site shirley-mclain.com that sells my books. I’m enjoying this process. Have a blessed day.

Arrive To Vs. Arrive At

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A prepositional error usually associated with ESL learners seems to be gaining ground with native English speakers. It’s the error of following the verb arrive with the preposition to:

The 23-year-old actress arrived to her taping of The Tonight Show… sporting a long blonde beard to match her hair.

When many early Europeans first arrived to our shores, they were surprised at the lack of organized law enforcement.

As soon we arrived to the restaurant she made sure she was secretive about my daughters [sic] B’day surprise!!!

Ipanema Flip Flops have arrived to Tony Walker & Co.

To is a preposition of movement. One travels to a restaurant, but arrives at a restaurant.

Prepositions that can follow arrive include at, in, and on.

Use at to express arrival at a small place:

The 23-year-old actress arrived at her taping of The Tonight Show.

As soon as we arrived at the restaurant, they brought out the cake.

Use in to express arrival when the destination is a large one like a country or a city:

We arrived in France in November.

When did you first arrive in Milwaukee?

The sentence that has the Europeans arriving “to our shores” can be rewritten with on:

When many early Europeans first arrived on our shores, they were surprised at the lack of organized law enforcement.

Mothers Diet Could Affact DNA

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NewbornA woman’s diet at the time of conception might cause lasting changes in the DNA of her children, potentially influencing their development, researchers say.

In a new study, researchers analyzed the diets of women in rural parts of The Gambia, in western Africa, who experience major changes in their diets over the course of each year as the area goes through rainy seasons and dry seasons.

“The rainy season is often referred to as ‘the hungry season,’ and the dry season ‘the harvest season,'” said study author Robert Waterland, a nutritional epigeneticist at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston. “During the rainy season, villagers have a lot more farming labor to do, and they gradually run out of food collected from the previous harvest.”

Yearlong staples of the women’s diet include rice, a grain called millet, peanuts and cassava. But during the rainy season, they eat more leafy green vegetables similar to spinach, which are very high in folate, a nutrient that is especially important during pregnancy.

The scientists investigated the concentration of nutrients in the blood of 84 pregnant women who conceived at the peak of the rainy season and 83 women who conceived at the peak of the dry season. In addition, they analyzed the DNA of six specific genes in the women’s infants when they were 2 to 8 months old.

The researchers found that in all six genes, the infants who were conceived during the rainy season had consistently higher rates of “methylation” in their DNA. A methylation is a change made to DNA — it’s the addition of methyl groups to the DNA strand, a so-called epigenetic modification to DNA — and is a process that can silence the expression of a gene.

Methylation generally depends on nutrients such as folate, choline, methionine, and vitamins B2 and B6, the researchers said. In the study, methylation in the infants’ genes was linked to various nutrient levels in the mother’s blood.

“Our results represent the first demonstration in humans that a mother’s nutritional well-being at the time of conception can change how her child’s genes will be interpreted, with a lifelong impact,” senior study author Branwen Hennig, of the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine, said in a statement.

Prior studies in animals had suggested that environmental influences before conception might lead to epigenetic changes in the offspring. For instance, a 2003 study revealed a female mouse’s diet can alter the color of her offspring’s coat by permanently modifying DNA methylation.
“These specific epigenetic marks on DNA are very stable — essentially permanent, as far as we know,” Waterland said.

Past research suggested environmental influences could have epigenetic effects during development in humans as well. For instance, whether Dutch women suffered through post-World War II famines during pregnancy apparently influenced how skinny or fat their children were later in life.

However, there was little strong evidence that environmental factors could trigger permanent changes to DNA throughout the human body, Waterland said.
“It’s also important to note that their diet wasn’t the only thing that changed — there was more physical activity due to farm labor during the rainy season, which contributed to weight loss during the rainy season and regaining of weight during the dry season,” Waterland said. “Such changes contribute to what nutrients are circulating within the women.”
In the new study, a nearly identical epigenetic effect was found in both blood and hair-follicle DNA of the infants. “This suggests all the cells in these kids’ bodies have the same mark associated with their season of conception,” Waterland said.

The long-term consequences of these epigenetic effects in children remain unknown. “We want to develop a catalog of all regions in the human genome that can get altered epigenetically by diet,” Waterland said. “This will help give us the ability to tell what the likely role such changes might have in disease, and what particular diseases might be most likely to have an epigenetic component.”

“Our ultimate goal is to define an optimal diet for mothers-to-be that would prevent defects in the methylation process,” study author Andrew Prentice, of the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine, said in a statement. “Preconceptional folic acid is already used to prevent defects in embryos. Now our research is pointing towards the need for a cocktail of nutrients, which could come from the diet or from supplements.”

This story originally appeared on LiveScience.com.

Deep Thoughts

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NewbornI believe that man is born inherently good. We are born with all of the goodness that God can bestow on one human being. How many cruel and evil babies have you seen? What you see is a miracle of God at its best. A perfect little human.

That child enters this world with nothing but trust, and remains that way until their brain has matured enough to begin seeing the world around them. What a child learns are what we as a human race teach them. Do you think that a child wakes up one morning thinking, “you know when I am seventeen, I’m going to be selling dope, and I might even rob a liquor store. I think for kicks I’ll shoot the person who’s there.”

What do you think this child learned while his mind was developing? Were mom and dad both working in order to take care of the family? Maybe the child was a latchkey kid who sat in front of the television for hours watching humans kill, beat and rape other humans. Laugh at others misfortune. It could have also been a case of a one-parent family where the child felt abandoned. There are multitudes of possible reasons. Bottom line is they learn by example.
This child may not have received any guidance from his/her parents, because they received none from theirs. How can a young adult make good choices concerning their life if their main role models didn’t teach and guide them. It makes it very easy to take guidance from other kids who don’t have guidance from their parents either.

We live an “anything goes” life style. Parents do their thing and kids do theirs. My parents were firm believers in the spare the rod spoil the child mentality. Their parenting skills came from what they saw and lived as children. My parenting skills were learned the same way. I believe I was a better parent than mine were, and my children are better at parenting than I am.

I blame parents when kids are disrespectful, foul mouthed or when they get into trouble. I know sometimes parents can’t control what is going on, but where were they when morals, values, right and wrong should have been taught.
I believe the majority of parents do the best they can concerning their children. What kind of a favor are we doing future generations by not teaching children how to behave in public or at home for that matter?

I have two grown children who turned out well in spite of me. Do I have regrets about their raising? You bet I do. I wish I could do it over again, but that’s not possible. I have to live with my mistakes. I wish every household could be like the thirty minute shows in the 50’ and 60’s such as “My Three Sons, or Father Knows Best, and Leave It To Beaver. Wouldn’t our world be wonderful? We’d have perfect households with terrific kids who would talk to their parents about anything. They made mistakes, but not bad ones. Everything ended on a positive note.

Have we as a society created a future society with an attitude of “I’ll do what I want, when I want and I don’t care what happens to you.” It is a very scary thought to me what my grandchildren will have to deal with. How do you feel about it?

Words Beginning With For- and Fore-

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writingHello everyone, this morning I am posting from Daily Writing tips about some common problem words. Have a great weekend and blessings to all.
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English has several words that begin with the prefixes for- and fore- Sometimes the prefix means “before” or “in front of.” Sometimes it means “outside,” a meaning derived from an Old French element related to modern French hors, as in the French borrowing hors d’oeuvre, “outside the main course.”

Perhaps the most frequently misspelled of this category is the word found at the beginning of many books: Foreword.

A book’s foreword is a preface, a brief essay not necessarily essential for the understanding of the text of a book and commonly written by someone other than the author of the text. Confusion arises from the existence of the adjective forward.

As an adjective, forward is used to describe something that is in front of or ahead of something else. On a ship, things located towards the front are said to be forward, for example, the “forward hold.” A “forward child” in a positive sense is a clever child, precocious for its years. In a negative sense, a “forward child” is like the ones on television who exchange quips, insults, and double entendres with adults; again, the sense is that the child is ahead of its years.

The three verbs forecast, foretell, and foresee all mean “to predict” or “to prophesy,” but have different connotations:

The weatherman forecast showers for Monday. (prediction based on analysis of data)
The gypsy foretold Gwen’s marriage to a rancher. (prediction based on mysterious knowledge)
Harold’s business experience enabled him to foresee the consequences of his partner’s decision. (prediction based on personal experience)

Some other verbs beginning with fore- in which the sense is “happening before” are:

forebode: to announce beforehand.
Forebode and forbid come from OE verbs with similar meanings. Forbid now means “to command a person not to do something.” Forebode means to announce ahead of time. The word forbode carries a connotation of dread, for example, “Vanishing act of middle class forebodes turbulent time.”

The verb bode, on the other hand, means simply “to predict” or “to give promise of something” and may be used in either a positive or a negative context:
Stephen Colbert’s Super-Charming ‘Late Show’ Appearance Bodes Well for His New Gig.
Scottish independence does not bode well for its economy

foreordain: to determine in advance.
“His hostility drives the drama in the first act, and his frenetic dancing in the second makes his demise seem foreordained.”

forewarn: to warn or caution in advance.
This quotation from Charles Kingsley has become a proverb: “To be forewarned is to be forearmed,” (i.e., knowledge of what is about to happen is like having a weapon with which to defend yourself).

In the following nouns the prefix has the sense of “before”:

forelock: A lock of hair growing from the fore part of the head, just above the forehead.
In old novels you’ll find references to farm workers and other social inferiors touching or tugging their forelocks to show respect to their superiors: “There was plenty of bobbing from the girls and pulling of forelocks from the boys.” The expression “to take opportunity by the forelock” means to take advantage of a situation as aggressively as possible: “He seized opportunity by the forelock and secured the best aid possible in his business…”

forefather: an ancestor, one who has come before.

foresight: The action or faculty of foreseeing what must happen. For example, “[Jacob Little] had unusual foresight, which at times seemed to amount to prescience.”

In the following verbs, the prefix is from the French borrowing that meant “outside”:

forbear: to abstain or refrain from
“The defendants were asked to forbear to arrest Mr. Swift.”

forswear: to swear falsely; to abandon or renounce
“As waggish boys in game themselves forswear,
So the boy Love is perjured everywhere.” –A Midsummer Night’s Dream, I, i, 240-241.

forfeit: to lose the right to; give up
“The execution of a murderer does not violate his right to life, because he forfeited that right when he committed a murder.” –John Locke

forget: to lose remembrance of

forgive: to give up resentment

forsake: to give up, renounce

foreclose: to preclude, hinder, or prohibit (a person) from (an action). Although spelled fore-, the prefix in foreclose has the “out” meaning, as in “to shut out.”

Finally, there are two words that look almost alike, but have quite different origins:

forebear (noun): An ancestor, forefather, progenitor (usually more remote than a grandfather).
This noun is formed from the prefix fore- (before) and an old word, beer. This beer has nothing to do with the beverage. Instead, it comes from the verb to be. A be-er is one who exists. A forebear existed before you did.

forbear (verb): to abstain or refrain from something.
“Woman, forbear that weeping!”

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The True Cost of Owning a Pet

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2Sophie 6 weeks

Hello all. Todays blog was brought to you by Sophie, who spent the night at the emeregency hospital after receiving a bite through the trachea from her big brother, Andy. It was a scary time. Our animals are basically are kids since ours have grown up and left. That’s a whole nother story, so I’ll let that go.

The vet exam and the night at the hospital under observation was $500.00. I have insurance for my others, but not on Sophie yet, so it was directly out of our pocket.

In comparison to human medical care and animal care, I think they run neck and neck. One is just as expensive as the other.

How much is that doggy (or kitty, or birdie) in the window really? The total price tag is probably a lot more than you think.

By: Amanda Lilly

One look at those puppy-dog eyes and wagging tail and it’s easy for all your money smarts to fly out the window. Nonetheless, it is important to consider your lifestyle and budget before bringing home Fluffy or Fido. While there are many foreseeable expenses, such as food and toys, other costs may come as a shock. Need a dog walker, for instance? That can cost as much as $5,200 annually. Pet boarding can extract hundreds of dollars from your bank account, especially if you travel several times a year.

Maybe your budget can easily accommodate regular pet-care expenses, but are you prepared for the higher costs of emergency care? It’s a question that some pet-adoption groups pose to would-be owners: How much money are you prepared to spend on Fido in an emergency? $1,000? $5,000? $10,000? What about for your hamster or parakeet?

Over the years, the Longs had budgeted for emergency pet care, and they have pet insurance, so the financial hit wasn’t as bad as it could have been. The Longs are getting back more than $4,500 of their expenses from Bailey’s insurance. “Bailey is our family,” Long says, “so we just told the vet, ‘Do what you need to do.’ It didn’t occur to me until this was all over that some owners might have had to consider euthanasia as an option if they weren’t as prepared for all the bills.

”Robert Long, managing editor for Kiplinger.com, and his wife have spent more than $13,000 on their 7-year-old beagle, Bailey, this year alone. A sudden and extreme case of Rocky Mountain spotted fever in May led to irreversible blindness and the surgical removal of Bailey’s eyes. Two months later, a ruptured disc in Bailey’s back required emergency surgery to resolve temporary rear-limb paralysis. “You don’t want to think about the worst-case scenario,” Long says, “but you should.”

As veterinary procedures become more advanced, people are less likely to put their pet to sleep when it gets severely sick or injured. Owners will likely incur at least one $2,000 – $4,000 bill for emergency care at some point during their pet’s lifetime, says Dr. Louise Murray, vice-president of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) Bergh Memorial Animal Hospital, in New York City.

The prospect of such high costs weighs heavily on many pet owners. Almost half said they were extremely or somewhat worried that they would not be able to afford veterinary care if their pet got sick, according to a 2010 survey by the Associated Press and Petside.com. “The biggest problem I see are people who assume that everything will be fine until their pet is 18 years old,” said Murray. “That’s just incredibly rare. You want to have a plan.”

Preventive care is also important in corralling costs. Having a pet is “kind of like owning a car,” Murray says. “If you don’t do what you’re supposed to do, it will end up being a lot more expensive in the end.” That means getting your pet spayed or neutered, going to the vet for annual check-ups, keeping your pet’s vaccinations and preventive medicines up to date, feeding you pet the proper food, and keeping your pet confined indoors or in a yard and out of harm’s way.

Although the cost of routine care is more predictable, it varies widely from animal to animal, and even from breed to breed — and also from owner to owner. For instance, fish and reptiles can drain your wallet by increasing the cost of your electric bill. Larger breeds of dogs will eat a lot more food than, say, a Chihuahua, and long-haired pets will need to go to the groomer more often. If you have allergies, you may need to get a hypoallergenic pet, which usually costs more both initially and in the long run. If you are away from home a lot, you may need to consider doggy day care or a dog walker, two services that add significantly to your total cost of ownership.

A Miracle For Me

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Today, I’m going back to story telling. This is a short story from my book Shirley’s Shorts and Flashes. I’ve decided to ebook publish on Amazon. I may put it in book form at a later time, just because I like to hold books. There is something about the smell of a book that you can’t get from a Kindle. I hope you enjoy this nonfiction story. Have a blessed day.

I Found It

The day I found it, I knew beyond any doubt, He was real. That profound piece of knowledge was shown to me repeatedly through my life.

I am a mother of two children, now grown. I’ve been an RN for thirty-two years. Before I became a nurse, I spent years trying to survive and take care of my two young children as a single mom. I lived on food stamps and in public housing, and I hated every minute of it.

I’d always wanted to be a nurse and in fact started college right out of high school. I decided at that point I wanted my man, and put love above my education. I was married to my children’s father for nine years. He decided he wanted to play. I’m a selfish woman, I don’t share well. My marriage ended.

I lived in Vernon, Texas when my marriage ended. My parents lived in Oklahoma. Everything about my world crumbled around me. I didn’t have a job, I had two small children, and I was an emotional wreck. I wasn’t dealing with my failed marriage well. I had my children wanting their father, and my family telling me the children needed their daddy. I actually swallowed my pride and asked my husband to move back home. I met him at the door, when he moved back. He gave me a kiss and I knew with that kiss something was missing. His being home lasted four days. He couldn’t stay away from his play toy. There was too much pain to handle. I packed up and moved back home to McAlester.

The subsidized housing we lived in was not bad, but the neighborhood could get rough. At that point, in time, which was in the mid 1970’s I, felt as if I were the only caucasian in the complex. My apartment was broken into a couple of times and once I made the mistake of leaving my month’s food stamps on the end table. They disappeared.

I rejoiced when I received a five-dollar increase in my welfare check. Every five dollars in my pocket helped. The rejoicing didn’t last long. The housing authority raised my rent by six dollars a month. It was a losing battle. There was no way to win.

We never had enough money to buy the non-food items we needed, such as laundry soap, toilet paper, and dishwashing soap. Times got so bad, my children would go to a service station and steal toilet paper for us to use.

Towards the end of the month, we would run out of food. Weekends and summer were the hardest, because the kids didn’t get their breakfast and lunch at school. I was blessed enough to have a mom and dad who let me and the kids come to their house for supper when we needed to. I felt like a failure from beginning to end. I couldn’t do anything right. I was supposed to have stayed married, and raised my kids with both a mother and a father. Instead, I felt like a moocher, even though I know they didn’t feel that way. The guilt I felt was eating me up.

I finally got enough of my mind back that I decided to go back to college and fulfill my dream of becoming a nurse. I couldn’t continue to let my children live the way they were living. My mom was so supportive. She encouraged me every chance she got. She wanted me to get the education she’d always wanted for me. I had to be able to take care of my children and myself.

My uncle teased me about not needing an education, because I now had two diplomas, Allan and Stephanie. He’d tried to talk me out of quitting school to marry my kids father, but of course being young and in love I didn’t listen.

Using Pell Grants, I moved to Wilburton and began college at Eastern Oklahoma State College. I made application to their nursing program and was accepted. The two-year program, which I took three to complete, was tough. I took all of my prerequisites one year and did nursing the next two years.

The kids and I lived in a two-bedroom house trailer on campus for the first year. I had a car but didn’t drive much except to go back home to see mom and dad. Mom would usually give me money for the gasoline. The problem of living in Wilburton and being in school, I no longer qualified for food stamps, because I received too much money from the Pell Grant.

We still had to eat and pay bills, so I took a part time job at a local nursing home working as an aide. Since my family owned nursing homes, I was well qualified. I’d done everything from cooking in the kitchen to the laundry room. The down side to the job, it didn’t pay much more than minimum wage, and I had to pay for day care. It didn’t leave me much money. I worked whenever I could.

Through God’s grace, we made it through the first year. Due to almost freezing to death in that trailer, I found a walk-up apartment I could afford to rent. The kids’ day care was down the road from us about a block, and I could drop them off on my way to class without having to drive out of my way.

My second year of nursing school was the toughest. I couldn’t work many hours because of my clinical schedule for school. It got to the point one time when there wasn’t even milk for the kids in the refrigerator. I had nothing. I cried and I prayed and cried some more. I’d finally cried all the tears I could and I needed comfort.

Something made me pick up my Bible and I began reading in my favorite book of Isaiah. I felt comforted, as I always did. After my divorce, I slept with the Bible close to me. God was my comfort and my strength. When I turned, the page, what I saw astounded me. I began crying all over again, except this time with joy.

Stuck inside my Bible was a crisp, new twenty-dollar bill. I didn’t put it there, which made it a miracle for me. It would let me buy food until my payday from work rolled around in a couple of days. I fell on my knees and began praising God. I knew then I didn’t have anything to worry about because He was with me. You know what, He still is. I worry very little because I know God has my back. I have failed him many times, but He has never failed me.

Times remained hard while I was in school, but I received my nursing license and my world turned around. I know I made it through with God’s help and the help of my family.

Please click the link below and read about the three year old who saves his sister. Blessings to all.

http://ts3.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4510983616989146&pid=15.1

Domestic Violence: The Deadly Virus

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Isn’t domestic violence like a deadly virus that’s spreading globally?  Why is abuse at home on the rise even in the developed countries/

Domestic abuse has become sort of a disease now, so much so that we need and awareness month to address it just as we do for breast cancer.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month in the USA.  Even though this is December it is still the perfect time to write on this topic as it really touches my heart and deserves attention by men and women alike.

Why is this sickening behavior getting out of proportion and what stops us from taking control over this man-made cancer?

There might be many reasons for why domestic violence is on the rise, but there’s one personal quality that can act as a deterrent and an antidote- self-control.

What you need is LUCK- love, understanding, compassion, and kindness.  Maybe that’s too easy to say because the situations that lead to violence aren’t that simple. And, self-control isn’t child’s play either.  Love too either ceases to exist or loses its magic with time.

How else can we deal with domestic abuse, which makes one out of three women suffer around the world?  That’s really too much, isn’t it?

You’d be surprised to know that it’s not only women who’re the victims, but even men report being abused by women! However, the number of men as victims is much lower and their cases are mostly not as severe as those of women who’re abused by men.

In either case, there are injuries and causalities, and many more lives including children are greatly affected.  If we call ourselves civilized, we need to put an end to domestic violence.

Let’s understand the what, who, and why of this deadly virus that has severely infected the word.  And, in this post, we’ll only take up the issue of violence against women.

“All marriages are sacred, but not all are safe.” Rob Jackson

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior, which involves the abuse by one partner against another in an intimate relationship.  It can include violence in marriage, courtship, or cohabitation.

An abusive relationship is marked with physical, emotional, mental, verbal, sexual, and even financial forms of abuse as explained in the above writing.

All these abuses also happen in domestic violence against women.  Do you have any idea what abused women go through?  It sends a shiver down my spine even as I write this- women and even young girls are subjected to forced rape, sexual assault and even murder! Women are also burned or killed in the name of a dowry and honor killing in some Asian countries.

They can be brutally attacked with acid.  The acid attack victim suffers with burns and scars on the face and body throughout the rest of her life, if she survives.

battered-woman2Besides these severe physical abuses women are also subject to biting, kicking, hitting, pushing, punching, slapping, and choking.  For that matter, even denying medical aid when needed, and depriving the partner of food and sleep causes physical harm.

Domestic abuse is not limited to physical abuse.  Some other forms of domestic violence are dominance, forced isolation, humiliation, harassment, intimidation, blaming, endangerment, stalking, and kidnapping.

Domestic violence also includes dating violence.  It’s sad to see how the dating valentines transform their loving relationships to domestic violence.

Remember that domestic violence can happen to anyone, but not everyone is an abuser.

Who is a Domestic Abuser?

A domestic abuser is no stranger.  The domestic act of violence are always committed by either the spouse, boyfriend, family member, or any know person having intimate relations.

Mostly the abusers are:

.  Youth in the age group of 18 to 30 years

.  Persons from low-income socioeconomic groups

.Unemployed and frustrated

. Uneducated or having lower levels of education

. Employees with low job satisfaction

. Abusers of alcohol and other substances

.Persons with a past history of violence

.  Those who grew up in an abused and violent family

.  People with antisocial personality disorders

.  People with attitudes and beliefs that accept gender inequality

However, exceptions are always there.

The abuser can also be an adult or senior, a person with high-income background- one who’s well placed in career, and even the one who’s not a substance abuser in any form.

One aspect that may surprise many is that most abusers are often charming and loveable in their other relationships. This, people might never suspect them of being aggressive and violent.  Yet, just like the Jekyll and Hyde personality, these charming abusers unleash hell when at home or in privacy.  Further, the domestic abusers are equally prevalent in all types of caste, creed, and race.  They all probably have the same types of reasons for domestic violence.

Why Does Domestic Violence Happen?

Arguments, differences, and disputes do occur occasionally in relationships.  An intimate relationship is no different in this respect.  But when things go to extremes, where one or both partners try to establish supremacy- the fair playground gets muddier.

Here are some basic reasons why partners abuse or are abused.

.  Domestic violence is a learned behavior.  Mostly you do what you see and experience.  You’re most likely to use violence in intimate relationships if you encounter it in your family and around yourself.

.  The kind of parenting you experience I a big factor in your becoming an abuser or victim.  You subconsciously start to imitate your parents and reinforce your observations.

.  Some even consider the effect of genetics, brain development, and biochemistry on the personality and nature of the abuser, and the acts of violence committed in close relationships.

.  Domestic violence occurs because one partner tries to gain power and control over another intimate partner.

. The abuse hurts the victim to induce fear by intimidation and inflicting pain so that the fear of leaving become greater than the fear of staying.

. A lot also depends on the socio-cultural status of the place where the abuser and the abused live.  Some countries or cultures fin the behaviors as normal, while other countries or cultures treat the same as domestic violence.

.  The public depiction of women as objects through videos, movies, songs, books, computer games, and especially pornographic material make women unworthy of respect.  This creates a negative impact in the young tender minds of children and teenagers, who later become abusers.

. Boys or male children are brought up in a way that they think they’re not responsible for their actions.  They think they can do what they want, and always have things their way, including mistreating their partners.

.  People who experience abuse in childhood are more likely to become abusers in their intimate relationships when they grow up.

.  Many religions have beliefs that teach and instruct women to accept male domination, and men to control women.

.  As a rule of nature, a submissive person is generally suppressed, pressurized, controlled and tortured even more by the dominant partner; this is what happens in domestic violence.

.  Acts of violence against women are planned and purposely done.  Men do it either because of a clash of egos, feeling of insecurity, intense dislike, or because they can’t tolerate her as an equal.

.  Domestic violence happens because the abuser is not happy with himself.  One who’s not happy with one’s own self can never be good and happy with others.

Can you think of more reasons?  Mention them in the comments.  Whatever be the reason, abuse of any kind is neither justified nor rational, whether it is against women or men.

Effects of Domestic Violence

The victim of domestic violence is battered and shattered.  The person begins to lose self-respect, self-esteem, and self-confidence.  But this is not all.

.  Talking about the United States, women who’re the victim of domestic violence are more likely to become homeless.

.  Many women lose their jobs being victims of intimate partner violence.

.Domestic abusers are likely to abuse even their children, besides abusing their wives.

.  Children, who witness or experience domestic abuse, are more likely to do the same when they grow up.  They might even become juvenile delinquents and engage in unsocial activities.

Many young children end up in jail for murdering their battered mother’s abuser.

.  Victims of domestic violence are likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, psychosomatic problems, eating disorders, hypertension, heart disease, arthritis, and even sexual dysfunction.

. The abused always fears the abuser, and this fear makes the victim dependent on the abuser.  They fear that leaving the abuser may bring more harm to them.

There may be many effects of domestic violence, so break the silence and come forward to share what you’ve experience, heard, or seen.  Remember, you might be able to help a domestic violence victim through your act.

To avoid the ugly effects of domestic violence, you should be able to recognize the early signs of domestic abuse.

Warning Signs of Domestic Violence

Are you suffering from domestic abuse?  If you’re not sure then you should know these signs of abuse and treat them as warnings before they take the ugly form of domestic violence.

I’ve presented them in question form so you can answer them in “yes” or “no”.

If you come up with having many “Yes’s” then you probably need to talk to someone close to you, who can be a family member, friend, or you can even consult a counselor.

.  Has your partner ever destroyed anything that is special to you like any objects, books, and clothes?

.  Have you ever been forced to have sex against your wish or in ways that you don’t approve of?

.  Do you fear your partner in any form or for any reason?  Do you fear going home?

.  Do you blame yourself for the violence?

.  Are you subject to frequent criticism and blame from you partner including being called names?

.  Have you ever been threatened verbally or by using a weapon?

.  Are you denied education and restricted access to sources of information like books and the internet?

.Does your partner or spouse often touch you in intimidating ways?

.  Are you often humiliated or insulted in public, besides in private?

.  Does your partner often criticize your family or friends?

.  Does your partner make you feel too lowly or unworthy or even makes you feel that you’re crazy?

.  Are you treated like a servant?

.  Are you often made to feel guilty of things directly or indirectly related to you, whether you’ve done them or not?

.  Are you never allowed to make big decisions about the family or even yourself?

.  Have you been denied to lead a life of your own and take a job?

.  Is your dignity being questioned?  Are you suspected of infidelity to the extent that all you moves and talks are monitored, even if you remain faithful?

.  Are you totally under control of your partner and can’t do anything without your partner’s permission?

.  Are your children being used against you, or are you threatened that they’ll be taken away from you?

.  Is your pet being abused just to create a scare in you so that you obey your partner?

.  Does your partner make you do illegal thins, blackmail you or even threaten to leave you or commit suicide?

.  Are you deprived of access to family income and not allowed to have your say in important financial matters?

.  Have you been troubled by your partner to arrange for money?

.  Does your partner take away all your money to make you dependent on him financially?

Many of you might feel that some of these questions don’t quite relate to domestic violence.  However, you need to remember that domestic abuse is not only physical, but also psychological, emotional, and mental.  Even violation of your basic human rights is an act of violence.

I’m sorry to say that if you have any of these signs, then it’s an indication that your partner doesn’t truly love you.

Why?  That’s because somebody who really loves you will give you all the freedom and never restrict you from being and developing yourself.

If you’re not given your place in the family and society, then you’re being deprived of your rights, and that’s a violation.  If you feel that many of these warning signs are part of your life, then you may be in an abusive relationship or in any of the states of domestic abuse.

Abuse is not about a single isolated incident or behavior, but frequently acting behaviors that form a pattern that becomes severe with time.  Never ignore these behaviors or patterns.  These may be the signs that you’ve a controlling partner.  You need to raise a strong voice against it.

“The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself.”  Mark Caine

 

 

What Should You Do in Domestic Abuse

 

It’s only you who can and who should do something about your condition and situation.  What you should do depends on the type and level of domestic abuse that you are suffering. I could write a full- fledged post about how to deal with domestic violence but I will give some general suggestions since this post is already very long.

 

First:  Take the initiative and courage to break the silence.  Talk to someone close to you.  If you can’t then try any online help resources for women suffering from domestic abuse, or call their toll free helpline numbers.

Second:  If you think communication with your partner makes sense, then convey your thoughts and feelings.  You will be surprised to see the things that can be resolved when you talk?  Only you know if you can do that.

Third: If mutual dialogue doesn’t help or isn’t possible and things turn pretty bad, then don’t hesitate to seek professional help and visit a certified counselor, or even call the police if need be.

Fourth:  if nothing works- walk out?  Don’t stay with a domestic abuser, nor try to make-do with a person when there is nothing left between both of you.  Your partner can even to the extent of crying and begging for forgiveness, but then you must realize that the apologies made are condition, and he indirectly holds you responsible for the abuse.

He might say that if you hadn’t said this or acted like that, then the abuse might never have happened.  Or, maybe his apology is genuine, you’ve to decide on that based on the past record of your partner.  Remember that the abuser is always in control, and his aim is to train the partner to be what and how he wants.

 

Call to Action

 

Abusers are people who like to abuse, and there’s no other cause to it.  Don’t fall for sweet talks if you’re in a serious abusive relationship.

You need to avoid this trap and cycle of abuse.

Never allow yourself to be abused or mistreated.  The choice always lies in your hands.

 

Before your abuser attempts to break down your sense of self-worth and make you feel helpless, you need to seek help and take important decisions of your life.  Always rememberthat if your partner loves you, he or she will never be abusive or violent. This should be an indication whether you want to move away or stay in a relationship.

Only an abuser will adopt the strategy and tactics of control and domination, and such behaviors are the root cause of abusive and violet behavior.  On the other hand, remember that since domestic violence is a learned behavior, it can be unlearned too.

You need to decide if you want to make amends and give your partner a second chance, but if nothing seems to be working, you should walk away as fast as you can.  Don’t think twice because your life is precious!

I know of my family and friends who are leading very happy lives after leaving their partners due to domestic violence. Some of them remarried to people who truly love them and are very happy now.

It’s your life and you have all the right to live it the way you want to. Go live your life, and break free if you have to because you live only once.

 

 

 

 

 

I Am Lonely, Are You?

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This morning I watched a video that made me realize that I’m lonely and it’s by choice.  There is no telling what or who I have missed by sitting in-front of this computer.  Have you ever wondered what kind of world we have created for our children and grandchildren.  I can truly say that I understand the line, “back in the good-ole days.”  There is so much my Grandchildren will not see and experience due to technology.

Take a look at this video and give it some thought.  Have a blessed day.    Shirley

 

 

 

TASTES LIKE CHICKEN

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bigstock-Rattlesnake-8162788Today I’m going to tell you a story about my dad. It came to my mind when someone a couple of days ago blogged about thier mother not cooking wild meat.

My mother and father lived about four miles north of highway 270 west of McAlester, Oklahoma on land where my great grandparents lived. There is a quarter mile drive off the main road to their house. When mama was a little girl her and her grandfather planted a pine tree at the corner of the main road and the drive. That pine tree remains alive and well to this day.

Back in the 1980’s my dad worked at the Navy Ammunition Plant at Haywood as a truck driver and forklift operator. He drove on and off the mountain at least five days a week. Mom would pack a lunch for him every day, which he would put in the refrigerator at the work office.

Everyday someone would get into the lunches in the refrigerator and eat things out of people’s lunch sacks. They thought they knew who the fellow was, but they couldn’t prove it. Everyone was frustrated with this guy.

Tastes Like ChickenOne evening when dad was coming home, he got to the pine tree and thought there was a big limb in the road. He opened the truck door and that big limb coiled. Having a pistol under the seat he proceeded to shoot and kill a seven and a half foot diamond back rattler. He brought it to the house and skinned it out. Mom took the back bone meat and cut it into chunks and fried it. That’s what they ate for dinner that night. My sister said it was good eating and tasted a lot like chicken.

My dad decided he would take some to work the next day for his lunch. He never told a soul about killing the snake or what he had for lunch. He put it in the refrigerator as he always did and went out to the docks to unload a truck.  Noon rolled around and all the guys were sitting at the table eating.  Daddy’s lunch had been gotten into and about half of the meat had been eaten.

Dad began talking and telling the guys about the big rattlesnake he had killed the night before  and how mom had cooked it up for him. He even brought some for his lunch.  Dad said the man accross from him, who happened to be the man who they thought was getting into the lunches, choked on his food. His color turned pasty white and then he turned green and had to leave the room.  They could hear him retching outside and all knew he was throwing his toenails up.

Everyone had a great laugh and guess what else. No one’s lunch was ever robbed again. The man got cured.

Daddy had that snake skin mounted and it hung over their television set for over twenty years. He would still laugh when he told that story about his big snake.