Tag Archives: Family

This Is How You Leave a Legacy

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This Is How You Leave a Legacy_This is another article from Jim Rohn, a life coach and Philosopher, who shares shares nine principles necessary for a successful life and a lasting legacy.

I think all of us humans want to leave a legacy in this world before we leave this world. Jim Rohn left his. He passed away December 5, 2009 and his philosophy about life has stayed in circulation. He made an impact on this world with his life and with this article he tells us how we can leave a legacy. Enjoy Shirley

“You know me, I am a philosopher. I love principles. Yes, actions are great and I talk about them regularly, but the important stuff is what lies underneath—the principles,” Rohn says.
Here are the principles he says we must commit to in order to leave the legacy we desire:

1. Life is best lived in service to others. This doesn’t mean that we do not strive for the best for ourselves. It does mean that in all things we serve other people, including our family, co-workers and friends.

2. Consider others’ interests as important as your own. Much of the world suffers simply because people consider only their own interests. People are looking out for number one, but the way to leave a legacy is to also look out for others.

3. Love your neighbor even if you don’t like him. It is interesting that Jesus told us to love others. But he never tells us to like them. Liking people has to do with emotions. Loving people has to do with actions. And what you will find is that when you love them and do good by them, you will more often than not begin to like them.

4. Maintain integrity at all costs. There are very few things you take to the grave with you. The number one thing is your reputation and good name. When people remember you, you want them to think, “She was the most honest person I knew. What integrity.” There are always going to be temptations to cut corners and break your integrity. Do not do it. Do what is right all of the time, no matter what the cost.

5. You must risk in order to gain. In just about every area of life you must risk in order to gain the reward. In love, you must risk rejection in order to ask that person out for the first time. In investing you must place your capital at risk in the market in order to receive the prize of a growing bank account. When we risk, we gain. And when we gain, we have more to leave for others.

6. You reap what you sow. In fact, you always reap more than you sow—you plant a seed and reap a bushel. What you give you get. What you put into the ground then grows out of the ground. If you give love you will receive love. If you give time, you will gain time. It is one of the truest laws of the universe. Decide what you want out of life and then begin to sow it.

7. Hard work is never a waste. No one will say, “It is too bad he was such a good, hard worker.” But if you aren’t they will surely say, “It’s too bad he was so lazy—he could have been so much more!” Hard work will leave a grand legacy. Give it your all on your trip around the earth. You will do a lot of good and leave a terrific legacy.
8. Don’t give up when you fail. Imagine what legacies would have never existed if someone had given up. How many thriving businesses would have been shut down if they quit at their first failure? Everyone fails. It is a fact of life. But those who succeed are those who do not give up when they fail. They keep going and build a successful life—and a legacy.

9. Don’t ever stop in your pursuit of a legacy. Many people have accomplished tremendous things later on in life. There is never a time to stop in your pursuit of a legacy. Sometimes older people will say, “I am 65. I’ll never change.” That won’t build a great life! No, there is always time to do more and achieve more, to help more and serve more, to teach more and to learn more. Keep going and growing that legacy!
These are core principles to live by if you want to become the kind of person who leaves a lasting legacy.
Your legacy is what remains on earth even after you’ve passed away. Learn more on how to understand, choose, focus and live yours.

It’s Here

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dobyns cover Picture2I’m excited so I have to share it. My book, Dobyns Chroncles is now for sale on Amazon. Have you ever had something that nagged at you until it was finished? This book was that way for me. From the start it nagged and kept it up until I finished it.

This was a labor of love. It brought me much closer to my Great Grandfather, Charley Dobyns. This book is loosely based on his life. My mother told me stories over the years about her Grandfather. He was a man of pioneering stock. He was a horseman and enjoyed the country life.

I met him only once. I must have been about five years old. I can see him and my Great Grandmother telling us goodbye as we headed back to our home in California. It’s funny how one memory can result in a creation of a celebration of life.

I am giving away five Kindle ebooks today for the first five people who sends me their email address. Even if you don’t own a Kindle you may still read the book on line by downloading Amazon’s Kindle reader.

I now have a store at my site shirley-mclain.com that sells my books. I’m enjoying this process. Have a blessed day.

I Found It

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Today, I’m going back to story telling. This is a short story from my book Shirley’s Shorts and Flashes. I’ve decided to ebook publish on Amazon. I may put it in book form at a later time, just because I like to hold books. There is something about the smell of a book that you can’t get from a Kindle.  I hope you enjoy this nonfiction story.  Have a blessed day.

 

I Found It

 

The day I found it, I knew beyond any doubt, He was real. That profound piece of knowledge was shown to me repeatedly through my life.

I am a mother of two children, now grown. I’ve been an RN for thirty-two years. Before I became a nurse, I spent years trying to survive and take care of my two young children as a single mom. I lived on food stamps and in public housing, and I hated every minute of it.

I’d always wanted to be a nurse and in fact started college right out of high school. I decided at that point I wanted my man, and put love above my education. I was married to my children’s father for nine years. He decided he wanted to play. I’m a selfish woman, I don’t share well. My marriage ended.

I lived in Vernon, Texas when my marriage ended. My parents lived in Oklahoma. Everything about my world crumbled around me. I didn’t have a job, I had two small children, and I was an emotional wreck. I wasn’t dealing with my failed marriage well. I had my children wanting their father, and my family telling me the children needed their daddy. I actually swallowed my pride and asked my husband to move back home. I met him at the door, when he moved back. He gave me a kiss and I knew with that kiss something was missing. His being home lasted four days. He couldn’t stay away from his play toy. There was too much pain to handle. I packed up and moved back home to McAlester.

The subsidized housing we lived in was not bad, but the neighborhood could get rough. At that point, in time, which was in the mid 1970’s I, felt as if I were the only caucasian in the complex. My apartment was broken into a couple of times and once I made the mistake of leaving my month’s food stamps on the end table. They disappeared.

I rejoiced when I received a five-dollar increase in my welfare check. Every five dollars in my pocket helped. The rejoicing didn’t last long. The housing authority raised my rent by six dollars a month. It was a losing battle. There was no way to win.

We never had enough money to buy the non-food items we needed, such as laundry soap, toilet paper, and dishwashing soap. Times got so bad, my children would go to a service station and steal toilet paper for us to use.

Towards the end of the month, we would run out of food. Weekends and summer were the hardest, because the kids didn’t get their breakfast and lunch at school. I was blessed enough to have a mom and dad who let me and the kids come to their house for supper when we needed to. I felt like a failure from beginning to end. I couldn’t do anything right. I was supposed to have stayed married, and raised my kids with both a mother and a father. Instead, I felt like a moocher, even though I know they didn’t feel that way. The guilt I felt was eating me up.

I finally got enough of my mind back that I decided to go back to college and fulfill my dream of becoming a nurse. I couldn’t continue to let my children live the way they were living. My mom was so supportive. She encouraged me every chance she got. She wanted me to get the education she’d always wanted for me. I had to be able to take care of my children and myself.

My uncle teased me about not needing an education, because I now had two diplomas, Allan and Stephanie. He’d tried to talk me out of quitting school to marry my kids father, but of course being young and in love I didn’t listen.

Using Pell Grants, I moved to Wilburton and began college at Eastern Oklahoma State College. I made application to their nursing program and was accepted. The two-year program, which I took three to complete, was tough. I took all of my prerequisites one year and did nursing the next two years.

The kids and I lived in a two-bedroom house trailer on campus for the first year. I had a car but didn’t drive much except to go back home to see mom and dad. Mom would usually give me money for the gasoline. The problem of living in Wilburton and being in school, I no longer qualified for food stamps, because I received too much money from the Pell Grant.

We still had to eat and pay bills, so I took a part time job at a local nursing home working as an aide. Since my family owned nursing homes, I was well qualified. I’d done everything from cooking in the kitchen to the laundry room. The down side to the job, it didn’t pay much more than minimum wage, and I had to pay for day care. It didn’t leave me much money. I worked whenever I could.

Through God’s grace, we made it through the first year. Due to almost freezing to death in that trailer, I found a walk-up apartment I could afford to rent. The kids’ day care was down the road from us about a block, and I could drop them off on my way to class without having to drive out of my way.

My second year of nursing school was the toughest. I couldn’t work many hours because of my clinical schedule for school. It got to the point one time when there wasn’t even milk for the kids in the refrigerator. I had nothing. I cried and I prayed and cried some more. I’d finally cried all the tears I could and I needed comfort.

Something made me pick up my Bible and I began reading in my favorite book of Isaiah. I felt comforted, as I always did. After my divorce, I slept with the Bible close to me. God was my comfort and my strength. When I turned, the page, what I saw astounded me. I began crying all over again, except this time with joy.

Stuck inside my Bible was a crisp, new ten-dollar bill. I didn’t put it there, which made it a miracle for me. It would let me buy food until my payday from work rolled around in a couple of days. I fell on my knees and began praising God. I knew then I didn’t have anything to worry about because He was with me. You know what, He still is. I worry very little because I know God has my back. I have failed him many times, but He has never failed me.

Times remained hard while I was in school, but I received my nursing license and my world turned around. I know I made it through with God’s help and the help of my family.

 

 

Tastes Like Chicken

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Today is the day I’m going to start my blog again. I’m buried alive by moving boxes but I’m not going to let my blog go any longer. Today I’m going to tell you a story about my dad. It came to my mind when someone a couple of days ago blogged about thier mother not cooking wild meat.

My mother and father lived about four miles north of highway 270 west of McAlester, Oklahoma on land where my great grandparents lived. There is a quarter mile drive off the main road to their house. When mama was a little girl her and her grandfather planted a pine tree at the corner of the main road and the drive. That pine tree remains alive and well to this day.

Back in the 1980’s my dad worked at the Navy Ammunition Plant at Haywood as a truck driver and forklift operator. He drove on and off the mountain at least five days a week. Mom would pack a lunch for him every day, which he would put in the refrigerator at the work office.

Everyday someone would get into the lunches in the refrigerator and eat things out of people’s lunch sacks. They thought they knew who the fellow was, but they couldn’t prove it. Everyone was frustrated with this guy.

One evening when dad was coming home, he got to the pine tree and thought there was a big limb in the road. He opened the truck door and that big limb coiled. Having a pistol under the seat he proceeded to shoot and kill a seven and a half foot diamond back rattler. He brought it to the house and skinned it out. Mom took the back bone meat and cut it into chunks and fried it. That’s what they ate for dinner that night. My sister said it was good eating and tasted a lot like chicken.

My dad decided he would take some to work the next day for his lunch. He never told a soul about killing the snake or what he had for lunch. He put it in the refrigerator as he always did and went out to the docks to unload a truck.  Noon rolled around and all the guys were sitting at the table eating.  Daddy’s lunch had been gotten into and about half of the meat had been eaten.

Dad began talking and telling the guys about the big rattlesnake he had killed the night before  and how mom had cooked it up for him. He even brought some for his lunch.  Dad said the man accross from him, who happened to be the man who they thought was getting into the lunches, choked on his food. His color turned pasty white and then he turned green and had to leave the room.  They could hear him retching outside and all knew he was throwing his toenails up.

Everyone had a great laugh and guess what else. No one’s lunch was ever robbed again. The man got cured.

Daddy had that snake skin mounted and it hung over their television set for over twenty years. He would still laugh when he told that story about his big snake.

Living By Example

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I believe that man is born inherently good. We are born with all of the goodness that God can bestow on one human being. How many cruel and evil babies have you seen? What you see is a miracle of God at its best. A perfect little human.

That child enters this world with nothing but trust, and remains that way until their brain has matured enough to begin seeing the world around them. What a child learns are what we as a human race teach them. Do you think that a child wakes up one morning thinking, “you know when I am seventeen, I’m going to be selling dope, and I might even rob a liquor store. I think for kicks I’ll shoot the person who’s there.”

What do you think this child learned while his mind was developing? Were mom and dad both working in order to take care of the family? Maybe the child was a latchkey kid who sat in front of the television for hours watching humans kill, beat and rape other humans. Laugh at others misfortune. It could have also been a case of a one-parent family where the child felt abandoned. There are multitudes of possible reasons. Bottom line is they learn by example.

This child may not have received any guidance from his/her parents, because they received none from theirs. How can a young adult make good choices concerning their life if their main role models didn’t teach and guide them. It makes it very easy to take guidance from other kids who don’t have guidance from their parents either.

We live an “anything goes” life style. Parents do their thing and kids do theirs. My parents were firm believers in the spare the rod spoil the child mentality. Their parenting skills came from what they saw and lived as children. My parenting skills were learned the same way. I believe I was a better parent than mine were, and my children are better at parenting than I am. I blame parents when kids are disrespectful, foul-mouthed or when they get into trouble. I know sometimes parents can’t control what is going on, but where were they when morals, values, right and wrong should have been taught.

I believe the majority of parents do the best they can concerning their children. What kind of favor are we doing future generations by not teaching children how to behave in public or at home for that matter?

I have two grown children who turned out well in spite of me. Do I have regrets about their raising? You bet I do. I wish I could do it over again, but that’s not possible. I have to live with my mistakes. I wish every household could be like the thirty minute shows in the 50’ and 60’s such as “My Three Sons, or Father Knows Best, and Leave It To Beaver. Wouldn’t our world be wonderful? We’d have perfect households with terrific kids who would talk to their parents about anything. They made mistakes, but not bad ones. Everything ended on a positive note.

Have we as a society created a future society with an attitude of “I’ll do what I want, when I want and I don’t care what happens to you.” It is a very scary thought to me what my grandchildren will have to deal with. How do you feel about it?

Would you have what it takes?

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I ran across this wonderful YouTube video about life as a pioneer,(it’s posted at the bottom) and it added further to the respect I have for the courage of my forefathers in settling this land.

In the book I’m writing, ”The Dobyns Chronicles,” I follow one branch of my family starting in Virginia. They migrate from Virginia in the 1700′s settling in Ohio and Indiana. My Great-Great Grandfather then migrated with his family to Texas, living in the Sherman/Denison area, on the Red River. (The cover picture is of my great grandfather and his family. The little girl is my grandmother).

Everyone has stories of their family. Have you ever stopped and thought about how they managed to accomplish what they did. It is mind-boggling when you consider the obstacles they had to overcome in order to settle a new land. The hardships they must have endured day after day. The things we take for
granted today.

I was very fortunate having a mother who loved family history, and wanted to talk about it. I grew up listening to the stories about how life was lived when her Grandfather was a boy, and living through the depression. She taught my sister and I how to survive. I have her Grandmother’s lye soap recipe. I truly hope it never gets to a point I have to make my own soap, but I know how, if I need it. I can live without electricity and running water if I have to. I know how to plant a garden and preserve food. This is where I am very grateful for the life I have today. I don’t have to do what was common place to the pioneering families of yesteryear.

How many people today could make it across the miles and miles of plains, not seeing a soul, or cross a mountain range? I know I couldn’t do it. I use to live in Wyoming many years ago, and looked at the wagon ruts cutting across the country. The canyons, wagons would have to be lowered into with ropes and then lifted up the other side. The small cemeteries, containing loved one’s that could go no further. Between Rawlins and Casper, Wyoming there is a large granite rock. The pioneers who traveled by this rock on the way to California and Oregon would chisel their name and the year into the rock. They wanted it known, they were there. They wanted to be remembered.

A Right of Passage

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Brittany

Today is a very big day for my youngest granddaughter.  She is thinking it is the greatest thing that has ever happened to her to this point in her life.  Finally she is going to be an independent young lady, not having to depend on mom and dad.  Have you figured it out?  She is taking her driving test today to get her license. It is a right of passage for most young people, at least in this country.

Being raised in the country, she learned to drive by riding on her Grandfathers lap and controlling the steering wheel.  Just as soon as her legs were long enough to reach the petals she could drive using the controls.  It was the same for me, as well as each of my children.  My son and myself were driving hay trucks just as soon as we could see over the steering wheel.

I can remember the feeling of excitement and how “big” I felt when I began driving.  I would drive on the highway when I was fourteen, but times were very different then.  There wasn’t as much traffic and the highway patrol never came out on 270. It’s not that way any more.

My granddaughter already has her first vehicle. A nice, small pickup, which she loves.  My first car was a 1954, four door, Ford, with a stick shift.  The floor board was rusted out (I kept losing shoes) and the heater didn’t work.  It was hell in the Oklahoma winters.  My girlfriend and I would go to McAlester, to a teen dance hall, called The Attic.  We’d be wrapped up in quilts with ice scrapers in hand.  Every once in a while if it was freezing, I’d stop the car and we’d jump out and scrap the ice from the windshield. Somehow I don’t see any of my grandchildren doing that.  For one thing I don’t believe there is a snowball’s chance my children would let them out on the road if there was a chance there might be ice.  Secondly, I think my grandchildren would not drive a car in the same condition mine was in back in the 60’s.  You know “those good ol’ days.

Times and conditions have changed, but not the right of passage for driving. Do you remember how you felt when  you  were able to get that license? It’s a wonderful time, it’s just a shame we have to grow up and deal with the world.

It’s Here, Again

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I remember asking my mom how long would it be before I got out of high-school and how long would it be until I finished  school and many more “how long until questions”.  She would tell me, and then tell me not to be in such a big hurry.  My mind was saying, “sure mom”, the entire time she’d be talking.  That was like telling the wind not to blow.  “You will see when you  get older just how fast time will  go by.”  You know she was right.

One year barely gets going before another one is here.  My babies have babies, who have babies.  I know that can’t be possible, because I’m not old enough to be a great-grandmother.  I think I’m 49, but maybe I’m 62.  Those years which keep running over each other getting here, have really messed up my mind.   Maybe that’s a good thing and I won’t realize that my world has changed.

Time marching on is a double-edged sword.  I have watched my family grow and prosper, as well as myself, but I have also watched some of my family leave this world.  They are in a better place, but I’m selfish and want them here with me.  I have watched  familiar things disappear around me.  I hate it that they are rebuilding all the bridges around my childhood home.  I will miss those one lane bridges with the wood runners going over.   The bridges will be a lot safer for those coming up, but people(especially new drivers) won’t feel the thrill I did when I drove across, praying I  wouldn’t fall off into the creek if I ran off those boards.  They say change is good and I suppose it is.  I now know how my grandparents and parents must have felt as their world changed around them.

That is my New Year ramblings.  I’m going to eat my black-eyed peas and thank God for the wonderful life I have. I have no control over time or changes, so I guess I’ll just do what I do every year and go with the flow.  With love from my family and friends and lots of help from God, I will survive.

I wish each  of you a Happy, Prosperous, Healthy New Year.  Turn up your speakers and listen to this one man choir sing Old Lang Syne as we start this new year and leave 2011 behind us.

http://youtu.be/0VaxyutCQAk

 

Christmas Eve

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Christmas gifts.

Image via Wikipedia

Here it is, one more time, Christmas. Being Christmas Eve everyone is hurrying around trying to get the last-minute gifts and food items which were forgotten, Christmas dinner will go off just as it was planned.  All of us who celebrate Christmas have our traditions.  My family celebrates on Christmas Eve and Santa visits, leaving those wonderful presents for the excited children.  There are squeals and lots of laughter.  It is planned chaos from start to finish.  Paper and boxes are everywhere.  We do have family members who believe they need to say all the bows and printed boxes.  They think they will use them again but if they do I don’t recognize them.

Then we have the one family member that insists that all the paper be neatly folded before being placed in the trash bags.  That was how mama did it.  Since coming to the family he has learned how to loosen up a bit over the years.  His family’s tradition was to open up gifts on Christmas Eve and then place them around the tree for display until Christmas morning.  I never have been able to understand that particular concept.

What are your family traditions?  Do you know anyone’s tradition that doesn’t quite fit your ideas of Christmas?

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.  I pray your cup is overflowing with health, happiness, and prosperity.  Blessings to you and yours.

“My Daddy”

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Drinking Man

My life with my Dad is/was complicated. I love him, and I now know he loves me.  It’s not always been so. I was fifty years old the first time I heard daddy tell me he loved me.  It was if he had gone through his life not being able to get the words to come out of his mouth.  I think it is amazing how important those words are to a daughter.  I went through half of my life not knowing if daddy loved me or not.  Now, he is never the first to say it, but I always hear it, “love you too.”
My dad fought his demons.  The alcohol ruled his life from the time I was a child until I was almost fifty years old.  There were casualties from the fight.  For many years I was one of them.  As a small child my memories of my dad was his drinking, going fishing and watching the Friday night fights.  When I reached my teen years, I hated my father.  I couldn’t bring friends home with me, because I didn’t know if he would kiss them or cuss them.
He taught me how to manipulate him, so I could get what I wanted. I learned just the right time to ask for something.  He went through all the known stages of
drinking alcohol, from quiet to downright mean.  By the time he reached the mean stage I would try to disappear.  It didn’t always work because he would set me
up for a fight.  It was strange, but that is how I learned to love books.  I could
disappear into one of them.
There was so much verbal and physical abuse, around me. He and mom would get into an augment which intensified into a physical fight all too often.  I am surprised they let each other live to make it to sixty years of living together.
Through Gods grace I was able to forgive my dad.  I now see him as a kind loving father who now appreciates his family, and what he has.  I still remember the pain, but it doesn’t affect me like it did.
Daddy doesn’t remember the life we had or the pain he caused. He remembers the good things about his life and not the bad.  At his age it is alright, he doesn’t need to remember. He enjoys his daughters, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
His world revolves around his family now, not the bottle.
The video I have posted below is called : Alcohol: Poison for body and mind. It is very interesting to listen to.  Please take the time to listen.  We can’t have enough education concerning alcoholism.
ttp://youtu.be/-rsBMyFqCl8
That’s my two-cents for the day.